CAN CHEATING BE HEALTHY?
The honeymoon period in relationships are very euphoric. When you initially begin to get to know a partner, everyone puts their best foot forward. You try new things, some that you normally would not. You are exploring the pleasures of the other person. It is a high like no other. However, after the first 6 months of a relationship, those feelings may begin to fade. Feelings begin to wander. People begin to cheat. Can this behavior pattern be healthy?
There is a possibility that cheating can be healthy depending on who you ask, what country they are from, their sexual orientation, and their background, childhood, etc. There does not seem to be a finite yes or no answer. Emotions are never truly black-and-white; however, this question based on many different factors tends to fall in the gray area.
According to the Atlantic’s article, “Why Happy People Cheat” by Esther Perel, We used to get married and have sex for the first time. Now we get married and stop having sex with others. The conscious choice we make to rein in our sexual freedom is a testament to the seriousness of our commitment.” The question to explore from Perel’s perspective is: Are our desires for other supposed to miraculously disappear at the the power of attraction in regards to our unique significant other?
What is Cheating?
Before we can answer this ever-evolving question, ask yourself, what do you consider cheating? Cheating may be stepping out on your partner, lying to your partner, or not emotionally investing your time into your relationship. Many Americans focus on the consequence of cheating, ie; their partner finding out as opposed to their own reasoning or emotional state.
According to Raya (names have been changed), “Cheating implies lack of consent. But having secondary partners in a consensual manner can totally be healthy.” Communication relationships are important whether it be positive or negative. Being open and honest is the foundation to what keeps people together.
Micro cheating according to Sofia Barrett-Ibarra of Men’s Health describes the term as “a wide range of actions and behaviors that aren’t egregious enough to qualify as cheating but are definitely a little bit shady nonetheless.” Do you send your coworker or colleague “cute memes?” Have you text a emojis that hint at desire to a past fling or friend?
Marriage is not what it used to be. Technology is not what it used to be. Due to the changes in relationships and the increasing value upon women’s rights and equality, monogamous relationships are becoming difficult to maintain.
Why Cheat?
Based on a study from the American Sociological Association, a person who is completely economically dependent on their spouse is more likely to be unfaithful. The housewife and gardener trope continues to live on; however, there are many other reasons.
A Facebook friend who asked to be anonymous shared the following, “I think I would be happier in an open relationship situation, but I happen to be in love with someone who doesn’t want that. So I have over the years developed a secrecy that I don’t think is great for our bond, but it also helps me cope and brings me solace in certain ways.”
Before you begin to judge and make assumptions, the friend also stated, “Of course. I do tend to think that cheating is an indicator that something is not right in a relationship- though that’s not always true.”
Another Facebook friend gave some important insight into the question as well. “Overall I feel that morality, when it is not physically harming another being, is subjective. Emotional harm is harder to call ‘right or wrong’ because what harms one emotionally may not harm the other emotionally. So how can one label it right or wrong or positive or negative. The word ‘cheating’ itself is a negative term, so society has said it’s negative, when it’s technically not a physical harm.”
Testimonies
When polled, can relationships be healthy, I received comments from:
- I think it is okay if the cheating uncovers things that weren’t discussed in the relationship.
- I don’t want to call it cheating. But you should be able to spend time with other people that you might like a little bit.
- I don’t think we are meant to have sex with just one person for the rest of our lives.
- Cheating can’ the healthy because it implies that you’re being dishonest with your partner.
- I said yes because a lot of cheating opens up conversations about one or both parties in a relationship are not happy. And it brings communication where either the relationship ends or it changes into something better.
Open Relationships
While many couples are opting for open relationships. There seems to be less cheating. With more consent, communication, these relationships are thriving by building trust through setting boundaries. It can’t be cheating if this is a shared consensus between the two partners.
Because of morals and ethics, we all see things totally different. You can still have a toxic, but honest relationship even without cheating. Not all faithful relationships are healthy. This is why this conversation about cheating is so important.
Emotional Abuse
One of the more poignant comments came from a Facebook friend that is anti-cheating. They say that the relationship has “been through it, but we have also mentored couples for 3 years — on both sides. Of the hundreds of people we have worked with, not a single person has ever decided that it was a good idea. The trauma in cheating is a pain like no other. It’s not some cute modern dating thing — it’s a deep, burning, horrific pain.”
After thanking them for their point of view, they responded, “This isn’t a “point of view” — this is a fact. Cheating is emotional abuse. It would be incredibly damaging and irresponsible to glamorize cheating as “healthy” in any way.” While emotional abuse is a consequence of cheating, it happens whether it is physical, emotional, or micro-cheating
On Kanye West’s latest albums he raps, “I could have a Naomi Campbell. And still might want me a Stormy Daniels.” And this is the guy that is married to Kim Khardashian. Whatever your attraction may be, cheating should never be glamorized. However, people’s decision to be human and perfectly flawed should never be judged. In order to live better and be better, we must put out into the world what we wish to receive with all of our daily interactions.
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