THE REAL SIDE TO POSTPARTUM
In part one I shared my experience with postpartum as well as defining and clarifying the different effects of the act of giving birth and transitioning into motherhood. I spoke to some dope moms as well as strong women and here are their perspectives on postpartum:
Casha: 34 yrs old, mother of two beautiful sons (11 and 5yrs old)
When I had my oldest son, I was 23, it seems like I snapped immediately into motherhood. I didn’t want any help from anyone honestly. I wanted him to know that “mommy would be there for you” from the moment he entered into the world. Even though my husband was around, there was something in me that wouldn’t allow him to assist (much). That was pretty much the same with my youngest. Although adjusting with two children, I did allow more help from dad, but I’m very protective of my children. Now that they are older, it’s my job to transition more into becoming a teacher of “life lessons”. I believe it’s important to teach the boys early in life that they are kings, they are to be the best that they can be and that they are indeed, black men in America. My advice to new and especially young moms would be to learn with your child. Allow your child to teach you as you both grow together in life. Nobody has the “right answer” of what it is to be a mother. The only rule of motherhood is to love your child unconditionally. Everything else, you make it your own experience. Life is a learning experience. Just take things a moment at a time (because a day at a time, may sometimes be overwhelming), and you will be fine. Trust me.
Channing, 28, son named Carmelo (7yrs old)
I had postpartum depression after giving birth to him, I want to say it really kicked in after he was a month old. I was just exhausted overall. Recovering after giving birth was probably harder than giving birth honestly. I was sore and my body felt so weird. It’s such a unique feeling and hard to describe to those who haven’t gone through it but you’re so happy and in love with your baby yet so tired and feeling down I guess because of the hormonal drop. You really can’t understand unless you’ve gone through it. Everyone’s situation and experience is unique. I would tell pregnant moms to be and even women who aren’t pregnant but know they want kids in the future, do your research on PPD and after giving birth if you think you have any of the slightest of symptoms never be afraid to ask for help or let somebody know what you’re going through.
Vanice, 28, Son Pharrell Lee (3 yrs old)
Postpartum depression affected me mentally, physically, spiritually, financially & sexually. For me it wasn’t the pregnancy, the morning Sickness because I didn’t have any, it wasn’t the bi-weekly ultrasounds, The weight gain or stretch marks, it wasn’t the kicking or the heartburn, not the Baby shower & not even the natural childbirth. FOR ME it was the day we brought him home, that first cry from a living person that I created. It hit me that I was a mommy & there was no turning back. I was in a state of fear and frustration accepting motherhood. Handling the recovery of postpartum depression was not easy it took a lot out of me, I cried, I prayed, my friends prayed, my family prayed, I gave up, I got discouraged I gained strength then lost it all again. I kept asking how can someone so beautiful that brings so much joy into my life cause me a great deal of stress, I blamed him for making me lose my identity, I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I wanted to rewind time and get a second chance. Adjusting & being a new mom while Accepting having postpartum depression was a struggle, I felt alone. I believed that Nobody understood me, I convinced myself that everyone had it easy except for me. I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I had to find a common ground and become my own peace, day by day I found comfort in having this responsibility of being someone’s mommy. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me regain my confidence in becoming a better me for my son. I went back to work, I started eating healthier, I went out more, I started having sex again with my man, lots of it, I gave myself self-time to recoup peace and tranquillity. I built a stronger relationship with God, I started speaking to more mothers. Reconditioning my mind and being positive was a reflection of my actions. That helped me regain my balance. Today I live comfortably because I’ve identified my strengths & weaknesses. I feel confident and I’m honestly in a positive space. New ages develop new milestones, which leaves mothers with new problems & new solutions. Motherhood is an everlasting learning experience. Patience is Key. The best advice I can give new parents that struggle with postpartum depression is to accept it and speak with someone you can trust. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. We can be very hard on ourselves and compare ourselves and our babies to others, Don’t forget to do your best, what works for you and your family, and to trust your gut.” Because YOUR BEST IS GOOD ENOUGH!
I would like to thank these women again, for proudly sharing their experiences with us. Postpartum is still a tiptoe subject, it makes many uncomfortable. This is real life and postpartum has many faces, you never know what your experience will be until you go through it. And for those of us who second-hand experiences it through loved ones, we must tend to the new moms like we do the new addition to the family. Mothers are in an extremely fragile state, after displaying such strength, new moms need extra support and love to help us through this transition. Motherhood is a phenomenal life experience and every phase matters. Remember to reach out if you’re a new mom and feeling unbalanced and overwhelmed postpartum, it’s okay to let it be known you need support. You just brought life into this world, doesn’t mean your life has to die for your children to live.
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