SOCIAL MEDIA & BREAK-UPS
I have always been a fan of social media. I love the ability to share and document moments of my life. And yes, I choose the good moments. The ones that portray me living the best life. Why not have this snapshot of me smiling, looking good, and experiencing cool things. But you never know how this affects your followers.
Especially if one of them happens to be your ex.
My ex and I broke up in what I thought were mutual terms. We lived apart from each other. With both our new work schedules, it was almost impossible to spend quality time with each other. We both had some growing up to do. We decided to take the time to get our own lives together. It was hard to do but we both knew it was the right decision.
Six years is really hard to give up on. You are with someone you think you are going to spend the rest of your life with. But then, life happens. Your circumstances change, and it is all out of your control. Your long-term plans with someone you love are now canceled. It is not easy to accept. Break-ups are freaking hard.
I handled our break-up, how I handle all hardships. I focus on work. I had gotten a new job and just went all in. Kept myself busy. It just so happens that the company I worked for was also an events company. So my Instagram feed began to be filled with photos of me and my various team members having “fun” with these events.
Little did I know, my ex-was seeing this on my feed and making his own conclusions. My ex, let’s call him, Seth. Was not much of a communicator. He rarely expressed how he felt about things. And when he did, it was usually much later. After a lot of pushing. So when I would ask him how he was doing over there without me, he would always just say, “Good. Same ol, same.”
It would hurt my feelings because I wanted him to say how much he missed me or how he was trying his hardest to find us a place. I assumed he was really doing good, without me. So I took my hurt and disappointment that he was doing nothing to fight for our future and channeled it to my work. And with that, it meant being more active on social media. This made me feel better.
However, I still continued to wonder why I was not getting any response from my ex, in regards to getting us a place and making decisions on what could help us have a future. I assumed he was doing well without me and had no intention on doing anything to help us move forward in life. So, in return, I went out more. I did more stuff.
And as I did more stuff, I posted what I felt were flawless selfies. I tagged all of the cool locales all over New York City. Yes, to those watching I was living it up. Little did they know, I was sad and lonely. All I did was attend these work events and go home. I missed him, and my old life so much. I just did what I could to push through.
Then, eight months later, he finally blew up. He explained how he felt abandoned. And how it was so easy for me to live life happily without him. So he was depressed and lonely. He did not want to bother me by telling me how he really felt. So he was miserable all that time, as was I, all because of what he perceived from my social media.
I looked back and remembered that it may hurt seeing someone who you are separated from happy without you. Even if it is for the ‘gram. But because of the lack of verbal, in-person communication, we both made assumptions and made decisions from hurt feelings. And it only left us each feeling more hurt. Holding on to resentment. If we had just talked, we probably would be in a much better place.
I do not want to blame social media for my fractured relationship with someone I once loved. Someone who I thought was my soul mate. Who I felt was the love of my life. But I can say that it was a factor in how we maintained our post-relationship. It could have been so much better.
COMMUNICATE! And when I say this I mean face to face. IRL. Do not look on someone’s social media feed and assume. It is all a mindfuck. People present to the world, a highlight reel. Don’t be fooled. And do not let it ruin good connections you had with people…IRL.
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