WRONG VIEWS OF THE BABY DADDY

I’m a new mother, my daughter is about a month old. Her father and I aren’t in a committed relationship., We are deeply committed to raising our daughter in the healthiest way possible. We’re learning what that means for us, and how to adjust accordingly. It’s not the easiest thing to adjust to yet so far so good.

Good parenting these days does not come in a one size fits all. You have to find what works for you, and most importantly your child.

This is my first child and his third child, the circumstances my child were born into was not ideal for us. Despite us in the past discussing raising children together in the future, the reality didn’t play out that way. There will always be a lot of love between us, and our daughter is a product of that love.

 

So to us, it makes sense we chose to focus on co-parenting vs “playing house” at this time. We both are adjusting as individuals and learning how to work with our current circumstances to be the best parents we can be to this beautiful child. I’m still very new to parenthood but a lot of my perspectives on parenting stem prior to me having my own child and feel even stronger now that I have one.

I always felt parenting is 50/50, regardless of what type of romantic relationship the parents have, that shouldn’t determine how active you are as a parent, no excuses. My daughter’s father is genuinely a good man. He really is, he has some ways about him (as we all do) that I’m not too fond of yet, I see him working to be a better man and father for his kids as well as himself. I admire that.

I love that we are both maturing enough to know what’s important, have a clear understanding and progressing communication regarding our child. Again, I am a new mom. I am aware there are trials and tribulations that will arise that will test our co-parenting in ways I won’t see until the day comes, however, I believe in our ability to see it through knowing the most important thing is our daughter’s well being. I aim to remain this positive, I see what a shaky co-parenting foundation can do to the minds of everyone involved.

Too many people bash fathers when they aren’t with the mom and I’m not speaking of “deadbeats”, they don’t deserve a conversation. I’m speaking on active dads, the baby daddies that make a continuous effort to be there and genuinely want to maintain a good relationship with the mother.

Romantic relationships do not guarantee a healthy home. I believe if love is there, it’s not going anywhere. Let’s focus on this child, create and sustain a healthy environment for them to thrive and if we decide to be romantically involved in the future or never at all it will not rock the foundation we created as co-parents.

People have this illusion that marriage guarantees a happy home, a healthy child, and great parenting… it does not. It would be nice, however, statistics prove otherwise. I feel not enough emphasis is put on actual parenting, many tend to think in romantic terms first (kinda selfish if you ask me). Once a child is here, married or not, a healthy relationship is vital.

Two people created another person who will for a great portion of their lives rely (or should be able to) on BOTH parents, and despite what many single mothers and kids product of that try to promote, a mother cannot play the father. A mother is amazing, one of one, just as a father is. The roles are different yet equal. Every situation varies, I’m aware many men do not step up. Yet we have to acknowledge those that do. Fathers or baby daddies whatever you want to call them. They are an important piece to a child’s upbringing whether many are willing to admit it is another story. So for this Father’s Day, save the “my mother played father”, or “I’m my kids’ father” lines and just appreciate the men you do know that isn’t perfect but to their kids they are.

And if you’re a “single” mom and your baby father puts forth the effort, loves to death the child you both created, and that child loves their daddy like nothing else.. give him some acknowledgment. Yes, he’s doing what he’s supposed to do, as a mother you know parenting isn’t easy, and remind yourself you both are in this together, regardless of anything else, this child connects you. Keep the bond strong.

Happy fathers day to all the dads out there, the fathers, baby daddies, godfathers, uncles, and paternal figures who hold the title proudly and give us their all every trip. This day is for you.
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