This past Sunday, I was at the gym doing my usual workout routine. I was alternating between the adductor machine and the leg extension machine\u2014nothing fancy, just my standard circuit. At one point, as I turned back to the leg extension machine, I saw that another gym member had placed her towel on it and was sitting there, AirPods in, clearly resting between sets. I approached politely and gently tapped her on the shoulder to ask if I could get in a quick set while she recovered. What happened next shocked me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She flinched, pulled away, and looked at me like I\u2019d just committed a crime. I instinctively stepped back, hands up, and tried to explain that I\u2019d already been using the machine and was just working in between sets. But she didn\u2019t want to hear it. She shook her head, avoided eye contact, and turned away. No words. No acknowledgment. Just silent indignation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I moved on, thinking the situation was odd but over. Later though I learned she had filed an incident report with the gym manager, claiming I had made her uncomfortable. I was stunned. I then had to respond in writing to the incident report and sit through an in-person interview with the manager to explain my side of the story.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
All over a shared piece of gym equipment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This isn\u2019t really about gym etiquette, though. It\u2019s about something much deeper that\u2019s unraveling in our culture. Years ago, a situation like this would\u2019ve been resolved with a simple conversation: \u201cHey, are you using this?\u201d or \u201cMind if I jump in?\u201d And most people would have replied, \u201cGo for it,\u201d or \u201cGive me one more set.\u201d There might be some slight awkwardness, but there was mutual recognition\u2014an understanding that we were all just people trying to share a space and get through our workouts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But something has shifted. Today, the gym feels more like a collection of isolated bubbles than a communal space. Everyone\u2019s wearing headphones, eyes locked on screens or distant stares, and there\u2019s an unspoken rule that you should never break someone\u2019s personal audio-visual force field. We don\u2019t talk to each other. We don\u2019t acknowledge one another\u2019s presence unless absolutely necessary. And if something feels even remotely uncomfortable, we escalate instead of engage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Technology certainly plays a role. AirPods, smartphones, and social media have made it easier to cocoon ourselves in our own little worlds. The moment someone taps your shoulder or interrupts your flow, it feels like an intrusion instead of a connection. But I think the problem goes deeper than tech\u2014it reflects a cultural drift toward hyper-individualism, where we prize personal comfort over shared responsibility. That woman in the gym didn\u2019t see me as a person to talk to or work something out with. She saw me as a threat to her comfort zone. And instead of speaking with me directly, she went to an authority figure to \u201chandle\u201d the situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That impulse\u2014to avoid conflict, to insulate oneself from human interaction\u2014reveals how fragile our sense of community has become. We\u2019ve lost not just our gym etiquette, but our social etiquette. The willingness to share, to compromise, to recognize the needs of others alongside our own. And when we abandon those habits, we lose something essential: the ability to trust one another, to coexist with generosity and grace. What people like this woman are essentially saying is, \u201cYou don\u2019t matter. My workout is what counts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To be clear, this isn\u2019t about being perfect or always knowing the right thing to say or do. It\u2019s about showing up with a basic sense of respect and acknowledgment. We need to remember that public spaces, like gyms, only function when we treat each other like fellow members\u2014not just of a fitness center, but of society. When we stop seeing each other as obstacles and start seeing each other as co-participants in a shared experience, everything changes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe the lesson here is that we need to take better care of ourselves in order to coexist with others. And that means not just focusing on our physical health or personal comfort, but on our ability to connect, to communicate, and to resolve tension without calling in a manager. It\u2019s time to re-learn how to be part of a tribe\u2014one built around shared space, mutual respect, and the simple acknowledgment that we\u2019re all here together, trying to get through the day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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