Dr Daniel Amen, researcher and author of the book Sex on the Brain: 12 Lessons to Enhance Your Love Life


1. Don’t ignore mental illness. Since dopamine has the largest effect on your libido, pleasure, and orgasm, making sure you have just enough is crucial. Too little and you’ll be in your Forever Lazy with a good book. Too much and you could become a sex addict. Untreated depression due to dopamine malfunction is, unsurprisingly, one the most common mood-killers. ADHD, anxiety, and other mood disorders can have a big effect on libido.

2. Have an attitude of gratitude. Dr. Amen says that changing the way you think about things can actually change your brain scans. Positive people tend to think more positively about everything, including sex. He suggests making a list every night of a few things that you are grateful for.

3. Accept gender differences. Men and women are different—you might have heard. But Dr. Amen cautions women not to discount the impact of these structural and societal differences. “Women need to ask for what they want sexually, and must teach their men through repetition, practice, and good coaching.”

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