BEING JUDGE MENTAL HAS MADE ME LONELY
One of the memorable conversations I had with a friend (a gifted gay black man from Israel who is a brain surgeon) once told me a story of how a female patient threw a tantrum with staff members in his hospital because she refused to have surgery done by him, simply because of his skin color. Because he was black, the judgemental racist screamed abrasively about getting her another surgeon to perform her surgery, despite the fact he was the only available surgeon on duty. My friend made it clear that because of her condition, either she has to undergo it or lose her life. She ultimately went the surgery and her life was changed. Although I have so much respect for my friend saving her life, I cannot fathom the fact that being judgemental would have cost the female patient her life haven’t if my friend did not decline operating on her.
I feel bad for those who are quick to judge people based on their race, religion and sexual orientation. However, aren’t we all a little judgemental? Which leads me to believe that the more judgemental that we are, the lonelier and disconnected we lead our lives. The science of loneliness is quite correlated to how we are quick to judge. According to a Behavior Therapy Center owner, Dr. Karyn Hall stated that “just as physical pain protects people from physical dangers, loneliness may serve as a social pain to protect people from the dangers of being isolated. It may serve as a prompt to change behavior, to pay more attention to relationships which are needed for survival.” Loneliness is a deeply rooted and destructive hurt and it has long-term effects.
Some say loneliness stems from experiencing lack of love as a young child. Others say it comes from a myriad of struggling to fit in school, constant bullying and building friendships. Personally, the experiences of being bullied still hurts, but I also feel guarded and judgemental of certain trending topics. My opinions can be influenced by not understanding a subject fully, no different than people misunderstanding me which is all disconnection. What makes matter worse is how many things adding to how we judge affects our loneliness levels. For example, having thousands of followers and friends on social media is not the same as having someone to go to a concert with. Not to mention, we can quick to judge that a person with a large following is successful in life.
Long story short, being judgemental is not healthy and it correlates to how lonely we truly are. But we want you to fix this here at Wellvyl. First off, surrender judging yourself. Stop blaming yourself, giving yourself names and the constant self-loathing because you are lonely. It’s okay that you are still trying to find meaningful connections.
When you accept loneliness is part of the process and be open to changes, your energy can open up to better people and opportunities that you created for yourself.